


What is Love

by voices_in_my_head



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Day 7, HaiKise Week, prompt: AU, soulmate!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4519146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voices_in_my_head/pseuds/voices_in_my_head
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When he'd woken up almost four months before to see “Haizaki Shougo” written across one of his ribs he'd been... well, in the beginning he hadn't believed it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	What is Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Veto_power_over_clocks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veto_power_over_clocks/gifts).



> And haikise week has come to an end. Firstly, I just want to thank whoever decided to to it, because otherwise it probably would have taken me a long time to finally write for this pair, and I definitely wouldn't have written so much. A special thanks to everyone who has kudoed and commented so far - I hope you enjoy my last fic too.
> 
> Ceci, this is for you. Thanks for the brainstorming and hey, test for you - find out which scene was written for you. Technically, you might find one or two more, but only one was specifically for you. Have fun :p

The first day of November was coming to an end and Ryouta was staring at the clock on his phone. Of course, he knew the minute midnight struck wouldn't change anything – soul marks didn't appear at that exact time. Still, he couldn't help but to keep looking, barely blinking.

In some hours Haizaki Shougo would wake up in another city with his name tattoed somewhere on his body – if, of course, they did turn up to be soulmates but Ryouta had few expectations of that not being the truth.

When he'd woken up almost four months before to see “Haizaki Shougo” written across one of his ribs he'd been... well, in the beginning he hadn't believed it. He'd tried to wash it off, hoping it was some kind of prank – a really mean one, but it would have been better than the truth – and find the real characteres, but alas that hadn't happened. Even though finding his soulmate had been something he'd been desiring ever since he'd first been told about the concept, for some seconds he'd wished the mark would just disappear and he'd turn up unmarked.

But the mark had not gone away. Not that day and not for the following ones until finally, in July, Ryouta was forced to come to terms with the fact that yes, Haizaki Shougo, one of the most horrible guys he'd ever met, was in fact his soulmate.

After that, he'd tried to come up with a plan. He wasn't the type of guy to just sit around and wait for things to work out.

The first thing Ryouta had decided to do was find out when Haizaki's birthday was. They'd only been in the same basketball team for some weeks, had barely seen each other, so that was not something he knew. He'd thought about asking Momoicchi or Akashicchi, but they were way too smart not to figure out why he was looking for that information.

So he'd gone through several “Basketball Monthly” magazines – some his, some from friends and even some from Kaijo's club – until finally he'd found a small article about Fukuda Academy from two years before, which did in fact contain information about Haizaki.

His birthday was only in November so at the time Ryouta had been the only one knowing they were soulmates.

After that, he'd come up blank about what to do next. He could have gone to Haizaki, but would he have believed him, even if he'd shown the mark? What if he hadn't wanted anything to do with Ryouta?

He'd spent the entire Summer worrying about it; he'd lost weight and he knew people were worried about him. He wasn't that good of an actor, after all.

Pretty much everyone thought it had something to do with his soulmate, but no one had asked him about it, instead just tried to be there for him and offer advice, even if it was incredibely awkward, like when Midorimacchi had spent an entire month telling him about his lucky item for the day.

Why couldn't Midorimacchi be his soulmate? Sure, the guy was a bit weird and his obsession with Oha Asa was insane, but he was nice and attractive and he wouldn't have hated Ryouta. But his soulmate was Takao – which had surprised absolutely no one.

There were so many people who could have been his soulmate. Aominecchi, who was still waiting to meet the girl whose name he had tattooed on one of his ankles; Kagamicchi who had “Kuroko Tetsuya” on a shoulderblade.

So many people in the world and Ryouta's soulmate was Haizaki.

He'd been upset, angry, confused, nervous... That Summer had been horrible but by the time October had come around he'd reached a point where he was feeling more zen about it – he couldn't control who his soulmate was, only what to do with that knowledge.

He'd spent the first half of the month being calm; Haizaki would get his mark and then maybe they could meet up and... well, he hadn't figured out the next step, but he'd hoped it wouldn't involve violence.

But the last two weeks had been spent in complete Hell. He'd barely eaten, hadn't paid a lot of attention in school, even though it was his last year and he had exams in just some months and even his basketball had gotten worse.

If he'd needed a clue to know how bad he was looking the simple fact that Aominecchi hadn't said anything rude after he'd lost over and over on their mini games would have clued him.

And now it was November and tomorrow Haizaki would share this piece of information.

Ryouta snorted at that thought. Piece made it seem so small, like it hadn't completely changed his life in just some months.

“24:00” his phone was telling him and he drew in a deep breath. Of course nothing happened. His phone didn't beep with a new message, Haizaki wasn't suddenly outside his house... his room was still cold and it was still raining and the world kept moving.

He got up from bed and finally deigned to start his night routine. He had school the next morning, after all.

He used the toilet, washed his teeth, put some creme, put on his pajamas all in a sort of daze. Was Haizaki going to ignore the name? Would he try to find out if Ryouta knew it yet?

He entered the bed, pulling the covers tight all around him, almost making it impossible to move around, but didn't bother to close his eyes. It was going to take a while before sleep found him, he knew.

Tomorrow was going to be a new day and for better or worse, they were together in this now.

.

Being the captain meant that no one, aside from Coach, of course, bothered to tell him to stop looking at the phone. Ryouta had to admit he wouldn't have minded if Kasamatsu-senpai suddenly appeared just to kick him in the head and tell him to get his head out of his ass or something like that.

It was strange how even though his mind couldn't stop thinking about Haizaki – what he was doing, what he was thinking – he also felt calm. There was nothing he could do about it now; the information was out now, no taking it back.

He played better than he had in months, receiving a nod from Coach.

When practise was over, Ryouta even stayed for some extra practice, alongside some other players. He knew them all, of course, but they didn't chat. Everyone simply did they exercises and one by one he was left alone.

He ended up doing some shooting, which wasn't exactly surprising. He understood now why Midorimacchi spent so much time doing it; it was relaxing doing the same movements over and over again, but at the same time pushing.

Ryouta had no idea what time it was when he went to reach for a ball on the cart and found none. They were all around the court but he didn't feel like picking them up and starting from the beginning.

He pulled his shirt up, rubbing his forehead with it and breathing deeply.

He looked up at the basket – did Haizaki still play basketball? The last time he'd seen him had been almost two years before, in the Winter Cup. Fukuda Academy had participated in some other tournaments, but Haizaki had never been there.

He finally started picking up the balls, taking his sweet time. When every last one was inside the cart, he turned around so that he could put it away, finally noticing he wasn't alone.

Haizaki was standing in the doorway and Ryouta's heart started beating more strongly. It was so quiet in the gym that he was pretty sure Haizaki could hear it.

“How long have you been here?” He asked, in a bit of a throaty voice, although that probably came a bit from the fact that he'd been practising for hours and had barely made a break to drink some water.

Haizaki stared at him for some long seconds – looking for what exactly? – before he shrugged, “a while.”

The next question he should make was probably, “why are you here?” but that was probably obvious, wasn't it? It seemed highly unlikely Haizaki had decided on a walk from Shizuoka to Kanagawa just because he was bored.

Ryouta started walking towards him slowly, stopping several feet away. They were close enough that they could talk without yelling, but still far away that they weren't touching or sharing breathing space.

Ryouta studied the... boy didn't seem the right word, but Haizaki wasn't looking like a man either. His hair was still painted black, but instead of cornrows he kept it in a ponytail, showing off the several earrings on both ears. He also had a piercing on one of his eyebrows.

He looked older, but he still had that same no-nonsense look, like he would cut someone if they looked too long his way and in some far away place Ryouta was thinking how unfair it was that that was who he'd ended up with, but mostly his mind just wanted to get closer.

Was it the mark? Or had Ryouta come up with feelings during the last few months – all based on pretend memories, of course.

Finally, Haizaki sighed and pulled his shirt up. There, just a bit over his right hipbone was the name “Kise Ryouta”.

“You're my soulmate,” he said and he didn't sound angry. He didn't sound happy either; more like he didn't care either way but Ryouta could see the storm in his eyes, although he couldn't understand it completely. He wasn't happy with the soulmate thing either (at least, he hadn't been in the beginning) but this wasn't his fault.

“You're mine too,” Ryouta said, and his voice was still sounding throaty, pulling his shirt up too. Haizaki hadn't lowered his yet, so they just spent several seconds looking at each other's marks.

Suddenly, Haizaki made a sound, a bit like a roar, and pushed his shirt back down. “I don't want a soulmate.”

It was like something in Ryouta's brain just said, “fuck this shit” and he pulled his shirt down too, glaring at Haizaki, “do you think I wanted you as my soulmate? I didn't want this either!”

Haizaki glared, but to Ryouta's surprise he didn't immediately start screaming. It was like his anger came and went in just seconds.

“This is going to end horribly,” Haizaki said, this time in a more normal tone, but his body was all tense. There was something Ryouta was missing – surely Haizaki wasn't this upset just because his soulmate had turned up to be Ryouta. Was it the guy thing? Admittedely, it had never bothered Ryouta but not everyone was like him.

“You don't know that,” Ryouta replied because they really didn't and also because he'd spent so much time during his childhood imagining how having a soulmate would be, that he couldn't just throw it away without even giving it a shot. He knew he'd regret it forever if he didn't fight for it, even if he'd be the only one fighting in the start.

Haizaki glared, “you don't love me. And I sure as fuck don't love you. But now we're marked? We're supposed to what... go on dates, pretend we don't fucking hate each other, and live happily ever after? That's fucking bullshit!” Haizaki was screaming by the end of it, but Ryouta wasn't upset, not when it looked like Haizaki was fighting more with himself than with him.

“I don't hate you,” he decided to start with and Haizaki snorted. Ryouta glared at him – he hadn't interrupted him, so he should at least do the same. “But I don't love you either. I don't know if I could but... we're marked. There's nothing we can do to take it back.”

“We don't have to do anything about it. Just live your life; find someone to marry and have a bunch of kids and forget about me.”

Ryouta's heart gave a little jump at that. “Is that what you want?”

Haizaki glared, “this isn't going to end well.”

“You already said that. But how do you know?”

Haizaki threw his hands up, “why are you doing this? Why do you want this to work?”

“It's not about making it work... I just don't want to not give it a chance. You don't know the future.”

“Not all soulmates love each other. This isn't a fucking fairytale.”

Ryouta glared at him again. He really didn't want to fight but Haizaki was being so difficult – and swearing way too much – and he had accepted Haizaki migth not see eye to eye with him about this, but he didn't want to throw away all that he'd ever wanted just because his fantasy was turning up a bit different (a lot different, but he could deal with it).

“Why don't you want to give it a shot? If it doesn't work out, then at least we tried.”

Haizaki glared and there was still something in his eyes, something that said that Ryouta was missing a piece of the puzzle, a pretty big one, but he didn't know what it meant and he probably would never until Haizaki told him.

Suddenly the other sighed, like all the fight had gone out from him and he rubbed his eyes with both of his palms. “Fine, whatever. Fuck, this might just be our worst idea but let's date or whatever. Just don't blame me when this goes down in flames.”

“If, Shougo-kun, if it goes down in flames,” Ryouta smiled, a real one, “we shouldn't start this all negative.”

Haizaki raised the pierced eyebrow at him (did he have other piercings? Maybe some tattoos? Ryouta wanted to know), and then shook his head. “We'll either kill each other or get married.”

“Or both,” Ryouta winked and for just one second Haizaki actually smiled, but it was there in one second and gone the other so maybe he'd imagined it. But he doubted it.

“Gimme your phone,” Haizaki said and Ryouta raised an eyebrow, but still went to his bag to get the device.

He did as he was told and Haizaki kept it for some seconds, writing something, before giving it back, “you have my number. Send me a time and place and I'll be there. See ya Saturday.”

He turned around and started walking away. Ryouta called out, “that's not a romantic way to ask someone out!” but Haizaki just waved a hand and kept walking.

Ryouta gave a little smile at his retreating back. It wasn't exactly a wonderful start, but at least no punches had been thrown. That was something good, right?

He kept smiling while he put the cart away and picked up his bag. Yeah, it wasn't that bad of a start at all.

.

Ryouta had never been someone who kept his feelings just to himself. It wasn't like he just screamed at the world but sometimes it felt good to have someone look at his situation and give some advice. Of course, when pretty much all his friends were socially inept, that didn't leave many choices. Usually, if he didn't go to one of his sisters, usually Kai, the middle sister, then he either went to Kurokocchi or Momoicchi. Aominecchi's advice was usually too crass to follow, Midorimacchi's always involved following fate – when he was capable of overcoming his blush and actually give advice (usually Ryouta only went to him when Takaoicchi was around; that guy always had good advice), Kagamicchi's, while not crass, was always too obvious, Murasakibaracchi's... actually, Ryouta had never gone to him looking for advice which left Akashicchi, who usually wanted to throw money at something.

Since his sister had her thesis presentation in less than two weeks, that left him with the light blue-haired boy and the pink-haired girl and seeing as this subject really was something he needed help with, he'd decided to ask both of them to a café that made the best shakes.

When Ryouta really wanted advice, he didn't lose time with niceties and going around the subject, without actually saying what he wanted, so it didn't take long before Momoicchi and Kurokocchi were up to date.

“Where will you go for the date?” Momoicchi asked with an excited look, like Ryouta hadn't just told her his soulmate had also been his biggest rival in middle school and the beginning of highschool.

“I don't know,” he waved a hand around, “that's not the point, Momoicchi!”

“Oh?” She truly did look confused, while Kurokocchi just kept on drinking his vanilla shake. Maybe his sister would be able to find some minutes to talk to him, after all.

“My soulmate is Shougo-kun.”

They both nodded.

“I don't like him,” he thought better of it, “I don't think so. I don't know. I never actually knew him that well.”

“He wasn't always a jerk during middle school,” Kurokocchi said.

Momoicchi nodded, “yes, I remember when I was holding too many books and he took some away and helped me take them. Well, he also asked if I wanted to make out afterwards, but he accepted my no very easily. In fact, even though he had a lot of girlfriends, I never heard any of them badmouth him. They simply said it hadn't worked out.”

Ryouta wasn't sure what to do with that information but at least he now knew Haizaki didn't seem to take advantage of girls. Good to know.

He didn't say anything in response, and Momoicchi and Kurokocchi kept silent too. They were there to help, but it wasn't like they could do it if he didn't give them anything to work with.

“I always wanted a soulmate,” he started. “My parents are soulmates and they're so happy together and my oldest sister's was one of her childhood friends and I just thought it was so magic.”

They kept looking at him and he looked away.

“I guess I was expecting someone... different.”

“You don't know it won't work out,” Momoicchi said with a serious look and it was good to have friends that were willing to help you out when your mind was a complete mess.

“I don't know it'll work out either,” he crossed his arms and pouted, knowing he was looking like a little kid, but not being able to stop it. It sounded stupid – “I wanted a prince (or princess) charming, and instead got...” a horse? A punk? He wasn't sure how to finish that thought – but it was still the truth.

“Kagami-kun didn't tell me we were soulmates for two weeks,” Kurokocchi started and Ryouta and Momoicchi immediately looked at him. “He said it was because he wanted to wait until I got his name, just to make sure. But it didn't matter if I got his name or not, of if he got mine. I knew we were meant to be from the moment I saw him.”

Ryouta frowned. He wasn't sure how that helped him. “I never felt that with Shougo-kun.”

“My point is that sometimes you just know, and sometimes you need a little push. That's what the marks are, I think. A way to make finding the person you're meant to be with a little faster.”

“But it doesn't always work out,” Ryouta said in a lower tone, giving voice to one of his fears.

“The marks aren't magical,” it was Momoicchi who replied, “people are the ones that have to create the love.”

“Shougo-kun says he doesn't want a soulmate.”

Momoicchi frowned at that, “he probably doesn't have good experiences with it,” then she gave him a soft smile, “you just have to show him otherwise.”

He sighed and leaned backwards. She made it seem so simple. Then again, it wasn't the end of the world either. He guessed the best to do was just take it one day at a time.

“What about you, Momoicchi? How are things with Himuro-san going?”

She giggled and while Ryouta certainly felt happy for her, he also couldn't help but to wonder if one day just hearing Haizaki's name would get him to make such a silly expression.

“He's such a gentleman... he always gets me flowers on our dates and even though he doesn't like ballet, he goes to every show,” she keeps smiling, “I'm very happy.”

“I'm glad,” Ryouta replied, with a genuine smile and Kurokocchi nodded.

They kept chatting over different matters, mostly involving their last Winter Cup, which was quickly approaching, until almost an hour had gone by and everyone had to go back to their normal lives.

They got up and walked slowly towards the door, where Ryouta would go one way and Momoicchi and Kurokocchi another.

“Let me know how things go and if you need any help, just call me. Don't worry; soulmates are meant to be, even if you can't see it yet,” Momoicchi winked and then gave him a quick hug.

“Kise-kun should just be his usual self,” Kurokocchi said but in his usual tone, so Ryouta really couldn't tell if he meant it as a good thing or not.

“Thank you for coming,” Ryouta said and went for a group hug, which made Momoicchi laugh while squeezing back. Kurokocchi had one of his content smiles when they let go and Ryouta couldn't stop waving while they went to catch a bus.

It was good to have friends.

.

In the end, Ryouta didn't go with any of his original plans for a date. He'd thought about trying the cliche “movie and meal” then something a bit more artistic, like going ice skating but finally he'd decided that if they were really going to try then there was only one point from which they should start: basketball.

And so, at three pm on Saturday Ryouta found himself in a street court he'd found by luck some streets away from Kaijo, wearing sweatpants, a t-shirt and a jacket over it. Kind of a shame, really, he looked much more attractive in jeans, but sometimes you just had to go with practical over fashion.

“Yo,” Haizaki said, sporting similar clothes, except baggier – his pants looked like they were going to fall down in no time.

“Hello,” Ryouta said, feeling nervous.

“So, we're playing basketball?” Haizaki asked and Ryouta couldn't tell if he thought it was a good idea or a bad. Usually he was good at reading people but Haizaki had one hell of a poker face.

“Yes,” Ryouta answered and went to pick up the ball he'd put next to his backpack.

Haizaki snorted, “I was expecting you to be more romantic.”

Ryouta shrugged, not really feeling the nervousness going away, “I thought this would be fitting.”

Haizaki snorted again, but started taking off his jacket, throwing it somewhere near Ryouta's backpack and standing in just his t-shirt, which had a logo from the band Green Day. Ryouta raised an eyebrow at that.

“What? I like their music.”

“I didn't say anything. But personally I prefer Muse.”

“Not really my style,” Haizaki said, “so, we playing or what?”

“Sure, sure, Shougo-kun. Ready or not, here I come,” Ryouta said and put on his game face. His stomach still felt all knoted and he wasn't sure this was going to end well, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to play seriously. If anything, playing any less than that would definitely be what made the date go wrong.

He attacked first and Haizaki was there immediately.

Haizaki clearly hadn't kept much in shape; Ryouta was several levels above him, but it was still fun, especially when instead of trying to copy his friends, he just tried to play as himself – no three-shots, no blocking like a giant or jumping like the laws of gravity did not exist. Instead he was just a guy playing the basics moves that he'd honed after years and years of practise.

Haizaki didn't make all that many shots, but at least he never tried to make him lose by stepping on his foot.

They stopped when they were both breathing hard and sweating and yeah, definitely not attractive, but Haizaki was cleaning his forehead with his shirt, letting “Kise Ryouta” out to everyone to see and he just couldn't care whether he was looking his best or not.

“Good first date?” He asked because he just couldn't help himself.

Haizaki raised an eyebrow at that, “I don't think this even counts as a date.”

“How dare you? After I went to so much trouble...” Ryouta made a 'tsk tsk' sound, letting a smile fall on his face. Haizaki didn't exactly smile back but at least he was looking relaxed. “I got us an empty court, brought a ball... men nowadays expect so much.”

Haizaki snorted, “you're such a drama queen.”

Ryouta nodded, “that's true.”

He rolle his eyes and shook his head, almost in a “why me?” gesture which immediately went to Ryouta's head – was he really wondering that, regretting the mark? That certainly put a damper in his spirit.

“Yo, where you went?”

“What?” Ryouta asked.

“Just now. You were looking all happy and suddenly you're all sombre.”

There were many things he could reply to that – mostly involving mean jokes that probably wouldn't go down so well – so Ryouta just shrugged, deciding keeping silence would be the best choice.

“So, what do ya wanna do now?” Haizaki asked and Ryouta took that as a good sign – he wasn't walking away immediately after the game was over.

He was aware he was looking too strongly into every single move done and word spoken but it just felt beyond his control. Like they were on a cliff and just one small movement could make them fall. Or make one of them throw the other off.

“We could get dinner,” he answered, even though the places that would let them in dressed the way they were, weren't usually in his list for “places to take a date.”

“Sure,” Haizaki shrugged but he was looking tenser.

Ryouta almost felt like screaming, “you can go if you want!” but decided that once again, he was missing something and hey, Haizaki was looking tense, true, but not uncomfortable. And sure, they'd both changed over the years, but it felt highly unlikely that Haizaki had become someone who did what others wanted when he didn't himself want it.

They put on their jackets and started walking. He wasn't really surprised when Haizaki didn't try to break the silence and while Ryouta had never been a fan of them, he wasn't exactly sure how to break it either. He could talk about serious things or completely nonsense but he had absolutely no idea what would go over best.

He looked sideways. Haizaki walked with his back a bit arched, but that probably had more to do with back problems than with trying to stay blended in. His ponytail had seen better days and he probably should have shaved several days before. He looked a bit rugged up but Ryouta liked the look and he'd never expected that to be his type so of course he couldn't help but to wonder if he really was finding a new part of himself or if it was the mark talking.

They decided to enter some ramen place and spent the whole time looking over the menus in silence. It was akward to say the least and Ryouta had no idea how to change it.

Haizaki didn't look like he cared either way and yes, it might be a mask but how was Ryouta supposed to know what he was thinking or even wanted, if he didn't say it out loud?

They ordered and then Haizaki started looking out of the window, which wasn't that hard, seeing as they'd been sitted at a table close to one.

Ryouta wanted to speak but he just had no idea where to start. This obviously wasn't going all that well but it didn't feel like it couldn't go well. It was a strange feeling and once again he wondered if it was really him trying to make an effort into getting to know Haizaki better or if it was the mark trying to get them together.

“What are you thinking about?” Haizaki asked, surprising him by actually opening his mouth.

The truth was he'd been thinking about soulmates and whether it really mattered if people fell in love because or in spite of them, but he wasn't sure that would go down well. Like Momoicchi had said, it was obvious Haizaki didn't have the best idea about soulmates.

“The Winter Cup's preliminaries are coming,” he said and immediately cringed. Just because they had spent some hours playing basketball, it didn't mean Haizaki wanted to hear about the tournaments he was not a part of.

“You ain't qualified yet?” Haizaki asked with a raised eyebrow, apparently not being upset over the subject.

“We are. Yosen isn't yet and neither is Seirin. All the others did very good at Nationals.”

Haizaki nodded but Ryouta still decided changing the subject would probably be for the best.

“What do you do in your free time?”

Haizaki went back to having an eyebrow raised, the pierced one and Ryouta wondered if that hurt. “You really wanna do this, uhm?”

“Do what?” Ryouta asked, perhaps pretending to be more innocent than he really was. “We don't know each other all that well, Shougo-kun.”

Haizaki snorted, “we don't know each other at all. You probably think I'm a punk and I think you're just a pretty boy.”

“Well, there are worse things to be,” Ryouta said in a heated tone, even though Haizaki hadn't seemed to mean anything mean by it. He just couldn't help but to get irritated whenever the other opened his mouth.

Haizaki put his hands up and puffed on air, “I didn't say it was a bad thing. It just doesn't seem like much to make us soulmates.”

Ah, so that was the problem.

Ryouta leaned back and crossed his arms, going on the defensive. It wasn't like he understood the whole soulmates thing either, but at least he wasn't questioning it every single second. A small part of his brain reminded him that he'd known for over three months while Haizaki hadn't had his mark for even a week. That part was ignored by the rest.

“Why are you here? It's obvious you don't want this to work.”

Haizaki glared, “why should I want it to work? Just 'cuz I have your name tattooed? It doesn't mean squat if the two people don't like each other.”

“I don't don't like you.”

Haizaki snorted, but there was still fight in his eyes, “right, because you were just on seventh Heaven when you woke up with my name tattoed. You knew it since the Summer, didn't ya? But you never went looking for him.”

He'd been caught. His voice went a bit softer, “I didn't know how you'd react.”

“So you were a coward,” Haizaki immediately countered and he was really looking for a fight, wasn't he?

Ryouta clenched his jaw. He wasn't completely wrong and he couldn't find a way to say otherwise, but it didn't mean he enjoyed hearing those words.

“Look, I ain't saying you had to come to me. I just...” Haizaki sighed and looked away.

There were many things he could continue with but he just kept silent, watching the rest of the clients. Ryouta never looked away from his face.

“I don't get why you're trying so hard,” Haizaki finally settled on, looking back at Ryouta's face. His eyes were still hard, but it no longer looked like he wanted to throw a punch. More like he was confused and maybe a bit scared and this was just his way of protecting himself. It made something in Ryouta's stomach clench. “I'm sure you don't want me as a soulmate either.”

That “either” hurt to hear but Ryouta swallowed through it. Then he sighed. Maybe they should have gone to the cinema, at least then they'd have a reason to keep quiet.

“I already told you. I just want to give this a shot. Maybe it'll end horribly, but at least we'll have tried. Do you really believe the marks don't exist for a reason?”

“They're just marks,” Haizaki said, in an angry tone. “What if you'd had the name of a man in his sixties? Would you still be trying to make it work?”

Well, that was a bit of a disgusting image but, “yes” was still the only answer he could give.

Haizaki snorted, but he didn't look any less angry, “that's just bullshit. I ain't letting some ink tell me what to do or who to love.” He got up, “look, this ain't gonna work. The marks were wrong and you should just try to move on.”

And then he turned and Ryouta was too shocked by the turn of events to actually move.

He only fully understood what was happening when Haizaki was already out of the door, and then he was getting up and running after him.

He opened the door and looked both ways, finding Haizaki several steps ahead (he was walking at a pretty fast rythm).

He immediately got ready to go after him but stopped after just the first second. Why was he running? Was it the soulmate mark telling him to go after him or did Ryouta really want Haizaki to come back?

In the end, he never moved, instead just watched Haizaki's figure get smaller and smaller and he wondered if this was going to be the last time he'd ever see him, even if that felt like a pretty dramatic thought to have.

Why had this happened? Why Haizaki? Did the mark know something he didn't or was the universe just fucking with them?

With a sigh he went back to the restaurant; he didn't feel hungry at all but his parents would probably enjoy the noodles and he'd already ordered, after all.

He left with a bag, thinking back to Momoicchi's words.

“Soulmates are meant to be, even if you can't see it yet.”

Yeah, from where he was standing, he definitely wasn't seeing it.

.

Ryouta spent the following week completely unfocused on anything. Whenever a teacher called on him, he never knew what the question was, much less the answer. He kept missing shots and passes and his manager had told him he needed to sleep and eat more.

His friends had all noticed but only Momoicchi and Kurokocchi knew what was really going on. He didn't go back to them for advice; he knew they'd try their best but they were so in love with their soulmates, he already knew what they were going to say.

Kurokocchi's and Kagamicchi's love was obvious to everyone and like he'd said, marks or not, they'd always be soulmates.

Momoicchi's mark had been a complete surprise, even though she'd been preparing for it for almost an year, since Himuro-san had gone to her some days after getting his mark. So they'd worked things out and while he knew they sometimes had their issues, they were happy with each other.

So he went to the only person he thought was, or at least had been, in a similiar boat.

Kasamatsu-senpai was surprised when he opened the door to his apartment to find Ryouta looking at him.

He didn't ask anything, just stepped aside to let him in.

Ryouta said, “sorry for the intrusion” and quickly took his shoes out. When he looked back up, Imayoshi-san had gotten up from the sofa and was saying something in a low tone to Kasamatsu-senpai, something along the lines of, “call me when you're done” and he pecked him on the cheek, sending a small smile to Ryouta and then leaving with his shoes on one hand.

Ryouta looked at his retreating back, not looking away even when he was left just staring at the door.

“Hey, what's wrong?” Kasamatsu-senpai asked in a tone between concerned and irritated, but that last part might just be because Kasamatsu-senpai was never sure how to deal with feelings, even though he seemd to have gotten better over the last two years. Probably Imayoshi-san's influence.

“I...” He opened his mouth but it took some seconds before he was finally blurting out, “Haizaki Shougo is my soulmate.”

Kasamatsu-senpai just nodded and that was why Ryouta had never dropped the -senpai. “Would you like some tea?”

“Yes, please,” Ryouta said and while Kasamatsu-senpai turned to the kitchen, he went and sat in the sofa.

It was yellow and Ryouta still remembered the first time he'd visited the apartment, just a few months before, and how Kasamatsu-senpai had grumbled about how he really hadn't wanted that sofa, but Imayoshi-san had just laughed and said, “you're gonna love it one day” and he'd sent him a look that Ryouta had though meant, “just like you fell in love with me” but he really wasn't sure and anyway, it wasn't like it was his business.

“Here,” Kasamatsu-senpai said when he was back, thrusting a cup at him, keeping another for himself and sitting besides Ryouta.

They drank in silence and he knew Kasamatsu-senpai was just going to wait until he was ready to talk. Unless he really took too long; Imayoshi-san's influence hadn't made him that patient yet.

“We went on a date,” Ryouta finally started with and Kasamatsu-senpai made a sound to show he was listening. “We played basketball and then we went to a restaurant but Shougo-kun left before the food even arrived. He said the marks were wrong and they didn't dictate who we loved and that I should forget about him.”

“And do you want to?” Ryouta turned his head to look at his senpai. Kasamatsu-senpai was still looking a bit uncomfortable, probably wishing Imayoshi-san hadn't left, since he was usually better at dealing with people and their feelings but he also looked like he genuinly wanted to help.

“I don't know,” Ryouta put the cup of the table and pushed his knees up, embracing them with his arms. “Maybe he's right and the marks don't mean anything.”

Kasamatsu-senpai snorted, “really, you're saying that? Remember when I got my mark and I was upset and even though you had no idea who it was, you kept saying how it was meant to be and how it was all going to turn up alright?”

“And it did,” Ryouta said with a small smile.

“Yeah, it did but you wanna know why? Because we both gave it a shot. Sure, we sometimes argue and Shouichi can still be a real bastard but...” he shrugged and continued with a slight blush, “I still love him.”

Ryouta didn't even care for the fact that Kasamatsu-senpai was being more honest that he usually was. Instead, he just focused on a question that had been plaguing him for some time, “but why did you try to make it work? Was it because you had a mark?”

“Does it really matter?” Kasamatsu-senpai asked in his no-nonsense tone. “I love him and mark or no mark, that's not going to change.”

He made it seem so simple.

Ryouta just kept on hugging his knees.

“Look, do you think it could work or not?”

“I don't know,” he frowned, “I actually don't know Shougo-kun that well.”

“That's a good place to start.”

“He wants me to forget about him, remember?”

Kasamatsu-senpai hit him on his head and Ryouta immediately pouted, “since when do you do what people tell you to? Especially such a bastard.”

“Hey, that's my soulmate you're talking about,” Ryouta said, trying to go for a joke but failing miserably what with the way the word “soulmate” came out all shakey and what not.

“Damn right. He's your soulmate so are you really gonna let him run away without a fight?”

“He probably hates me.”

Kasamatsu-senpai hit him again and Ryouta let out an, “ow! Mean senpai.”

“Stop acting like a brat. You two need to talk like adults. If by the end of it he's made a good case of not wanting to try things out then yeah, you have to respect his wishes, but otherwise... well, aren't you the one that believes in the magic of the marks?”

Ryouta frowned. That had been before he'd received his mark.

“I'm gonna hit you again if you don't stop with that stupid face,” Kasamatsu-senpai threatened and Ryouta got up quickly. His head had been badly treated as it was.

“Fine, fine, I'll try one more time.”

“Good,” he nodded, “now get out so that I can call Shuichi back. You better not chicken out or I'm sending Moriyama after you,” he shook his head, “he's gotten even more annoying since getting with Izuki-kun.”

“But you don't even understand their puns,” Ryouta replied without a though, which was immediately followed by an, “ouch!” and then he was running towards the entrance so that he could put his shoes on. How Imayoshi-san handled the violence he'd never understand – then again, maybe he liked it... Ryouta shook his head vehemently; those were not thoughts he wanted in his head.

Now, where to go to next? It was the middle of the afternoon in Tokyo and it was going to take at least two hours to get to Shizuoka, and even if he got there, he had absolutely no idea how to find Haizaki. It wasn't like he knew who to call either.

In the end, he decided to just roll with it and went to find the closest train station, sending a message to his parents saying he didn't know when he'd be home.

The next train was leaving in twenty minutes and so he spent the time mostly pacing. He could see people staring, maybe because of his impatience, but probably mostly because he was, after all, a country-known model. Still, apparently his aura was being very clear in his message of “back off” because no one approached him.

He spent those twenty minutes and the following trip with his thoughts in a disarray, but also excited. Maybe this was going to end horribly, with Haizaki stating very clearly that he never wanted to see him again, but at least that would give him closure. Or so he liked to think.

Finally, close to seven pm he arrived at Shizuoka, leaving the train and looking everywhere, even though obviously Haizaki was nowhere to be found.

For a minute, he thought about just walking away, he even imagined finding the other guy in some basketball court but he was pretty sure those things only happened in films so standing outside the station, letting the sound of people coming and going calm him, he picked up the phone and dialed the number he'd looked at so many times during the last week that he'd memorized it by now.

“What do you want?” Haizaki answered at the third ring and hey, at least he hadn't erased his number.

“I'm in Shizuoka, can we meet?”

Haizaki sighed, “didn't I tell you to forget me?”

“Look, let's just talk. If afterwards you tell me you never want to see me again, then I promise I'll leave you alone,” he was pretty sure he was sounding desperate but a part of him really did feel like that, even though he couldn't explain it. It wasn't like he'd fallen in love with Haizaki, he wasn't even sure if he really liked him or not, but like Kasamatsu-senpai had said, he was the guy that had always believed in the magic of the soulmates marks and he wasn't going to let his escape just because he was being difficult.

Haizaki was silent for some seconds before he sighed again, “fine. I'm gonna text you with an adress. See ya there in twenty minutes.”

“Okay,” Ryouta replied and Haizaki didn't wait for anything else before disconnecting.

Two seconds later and Ryouta was running to find a taxi to take him to the place.

.

It ended up being a park. A very beautiful one and once again Ryouta was left wondering if it had a meaning or not and usually he wasn't the type of guy that was always searching for meaning in every single gesture, but for now it seemed impossible to make it stop.

“Yo,” Haizaki's voice sounded and he turned around to see him reaching the entrance. He was wearing jeans, probably one or two sizes bigger than they should be, and a red hoodie. His hair was in the usual ponytail and all in all he looked good.

“Hello,” Ryouta said, feeling his heart starting to beat faster.

They kept looking at each other for several seconds. Ryouta had no idea where to start but he was pretty sure Haizaki wasn't going to make it easier for him.

As expected, Haizaki finally sighed and looked at him with more strenght. It wasn't exactly a glare, but it wasn't a nice look either. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to talk,” his voice sounded small and truthfully, he felt small too.

Haizaki sighed again and passed a hand through his hair, making some strands come loose, “why can't you just leave it alone?”

“You're my soulmate!” Ryouta responded and he wasn't feeling so small anymore. He didn't understand why Haizaki was giving it up without even trying.

“That doesn't mean squat. It's just a freaking tattoo. One I don't even want,” Haizaki replied and his words hurt. Ryouta still didn't understand why that was: was it the mark or did he honestly want Haizaki? His brain was starting to hurt and he was starting to regret all this.

So he kept silent. Not everyone who got a soulmate got to be with them. Sometimes they died, sometimes they lived on the other side of the world and they never met and sometimes things simply didn't work out. Ryouta had always believed his would be one of those special cases, but maybe it simply wasn't meant to be.

“Let's walk,” Haizaki said and he still looked tense, but hey, at least he wasn't just telling him to go away.

Ryouta nodded and put himself beside the other. They started walking slowly and Ryouta looked around him, partly because he wasn't sure he should look at Haizaki and partly because the park really was beautiful.

“My parents are soulmates,” he found himself telling the other, never looking away from the trees surrounding them. “And my sisters have found theirs too.”

“So you wanna be like them?” Haizaki sounded... Ryouta couldn't say. It was like he was trying to hide something, but he didn't know what.

He shook his head, finally looking at Haizaki. “No, I just mean that I've always had good experiences with soulmates. You obviously haven't.”

Haizaki opened his mouth, but he put a hand up, “you don't have to tell me about it. But... not everything is bad, you know?”

Haizaki snorted, but he was still looking reticent, like he didn't truly trust Ryouta not to try and pry the information out of him. “You don't know things will turn out good.”

“And you don't know they'll turn out bad,” he immediately countered.

Haizaki stopped, “why are you trying so hard? I know it ain't because you like me. It's just a stupid mark.”

“Maybe. But it's in our bodies. Can you really pretend it's not there?” Ryouta asked, finally taking on a more fighting voice. It was his turn to make the arguments and if it didn't work, then he'd leave Haizaki alone just as promised. But he wasn't going down without a fight.

Haizaki glared at him for some seconds before looking away. Then he sighed, “you really don't give up, do you?”

“It's one of my charms,” Ryouta replied with a big smile. Slowly he was breaking Haizaki's walls.

Haizaki snorted, “yeah, right,” then he passed a hand through his hair. “Fine, let's give it a shot. Again,” he threw the last word at Ryouta's face. He didn't let that stop him in the least.

“Last time I didn't get to show you all my charm.”

“If you take me to the opera or some shit like that, I'm walking out,” Haizaki immediately said.

Ryouta shook his head and made a “tch, tch” sound, although the smile never left his face. “You have no delicacy, Shougo-kun.”

“I think you have enough for both of us,” Haizaki said and then seemed to regret it but Ryouta couldn't say he understood why. He felt too comfortable? He didn't want to banter?

Ryouta just moved past it. They were Haizaki's issues and he'd be there to listen if he wanted to talk, but he wasn't going to force anything.

“You can start by telling me about this park, Shougocchi. Why did you choose it?”

“What the... what the fuck did you just call me?” Haizaki asked, more surprised than anything.

“Shougocchi. I add -cchi to the names of the people I respect,” Ryouta told him like it was obvious.

“No.”

“What?” Ryouta looked at him without a look of comprehension.

“I don't want any weird nickname. Just call me what you usually do.”

He pouted, “but Shougo-kun is so... normal. We're dating.”

“You are not calling me Shougocchi,” he said the last word with a shudder, like it physically hurt him.

Ryouta just pouted harder.

“It's Shougo or Haizaki. No weird honorifics.”

Ryouta added a glare but Haizaki just looked back. He wasn't used to losing, but he had a feeling this was a battle he was destined to lose.

“Fine,” he finally said after a sigh. “I'll keep calling you Shougo-kun.”

“Good,” Haizaki nodded and Ryouta promised himself to find a new nickname for his new... boyfriend. The word made him blush and forget all the previous fighting and then he was asking about the park once again, which made Haizaki look at him, like he was weighting the pros and cons of actually sharing the information.

Ryouta just kept looking at him, open.

Finally, Haizaki sighed and opened his mouth. Ryouta smiled at him, listening attentively.

.

Two weeks passed and things continued that way. They only met three more times – Shizuoka and Kanagawa might not be that far but Ryouta had a busy schedule and Shougo didn't often like to get on the train – but they texted daily. In the beginning, Ryouta had been slow with his texts. He knew he could bombard people's phones and while some were used to it, others didn't appreciate it.

So he'd started with simply, “how's your day going?” and “did you do anything interesting?” but by the third day Shougo had texted, “you're being weird. Just be yourself,” and Ryouta probably shouldn't have smiled as big as he had when he'd seen that but if felt like a step forward. So he'd stopped with those annoying questions and had started sending little informations about his day, like he did with most people. Shougo didn't answer to every single one, but he sometimes commented on them, usually with “that's so freaking stupid” and sometimes he even deigned to share some information about himself, like what he'd had for breakfast and which test he had to study for.

It didn't feel very romantic. Ryouta had promised charm but he was also pretty sure Shougo wouldn't appreciate dinners at restaurants that required wearing suits, so he was starting slowly. They'd had a picnic (Shougo had looked at him and asked, “really?” in the most done tone he'd ever heard), had gone ice skating (Shougo had been just as good as Ryouta) and had had lunch at a small ramen place.

They hadn't kissed or held hands but Ryouta didn't mind. It was nice to get to know Shougo.

It wasn't that the other had changed, more like Ryouta was finally getting to know him. Shougo was still competetive, but he also appeared calmer, less quick to anger. He was actually good at school, especially in English and Math and he had joined a local basketball club.

That weekend Ryouta had cleared his schedule so that they could meet. There was a new amusement park in Nagoya and they had fireworks. It was a bit farther than usual but Shougo hadn't shot his idea down, so Ryouta had spent the last two days basically skipping all over the place.

He was pretty sure he was being annoying, but no one seemed to care. If anything, people smiled at him more, especially his coach, teammates and friends. They could all see that he was feeling much happier and finally he was starting to realize that it wasn't all the mark. It probably made the connection stronger, but it was Shougo and Shougo alone that made him happier. His texting, the little things he let out, sometimes by chance, others clearly by choice, spending time with him... He wouldn't say it was like a part of him he never knew was missing was finally there – that would be too cliché and it really didn't feel like the truth – but it was true that he didn't feel like he could go back to how it was.

It was two pm when Ryouta met Shougo at one of the train stations in Nagoya.

“Hello,” he greeted with a big smile and waving his hand.

“Hi,” Shougo replied with a little smile and Ryouta didn't waste any time in grabbing his arm and starting to pull him towards the amusement park. He didn't want to miss anything.

While a part of him was trying to be careful around Shougo, never touching him much, sometimes not showing exactly how excited he was, another part just wanted to be his truthful self and while he could be pretty calm at times, he couldn't hide how happy he was in that moment.

And Shougo didn't really seem to mind it. He never shrugged off his touch and while he rolled his eyes when Ryouta started talking a mile a minute, he never just walked away or told him to shut up. He probably wasn't the only one learning new things about the other.

It took around twenty minutes to find the amusement park but the walk was more than worth it. It wasn't a big place, but it was full of colours and it looked like it could provide for a good time.

“Where do you want to start?” Ryouta asked with a smile. He'd always loved amusement parks.

“The roller coaster,” Shougo immediately replied, and there was a little smile in his lips. He was looking excited too.

“Okay!” Ryouta agreed and they started walking towards the closest one. He had let go of Shougo just moments after they'd started their walk, but they were standing close; everyone around them could see they were there together.

The next few hours were passed mostly going from one place to another, sometimes even going on the same ride more than once. They didn't talk a lot, not aside from, “did you like it?” and “where should we go next?” but Ryouta was still having a good time. And Shougo looked like he was enjoying it too.

He didn't allow Ryouta to buy his tickets, but at least he let him buy him some cotton candy, even sharing some. There was only a small moment where things didn't go so well when someone recognized Ryouta, and while he wanted to tell the person that he was there just to have fun, he didn't like to be mean to his fans, especially when they were so young.

So he'd taken one photo, which had soon turned into two, three, etc. Shougo had just stood there, looking bored. After around thirty minutes, Ryouta had finally been able to escape and had spent the next five minutes apologizing, receiving a “it's okay” the first time and a “just shut up, it's fine” the last.

After that it had been a bit awkward for some minutes, until Shougo had broken the silence with, “hasn't anyone asked who your soulmate is?”

“Do you mean my friends? Some of them know. And of course I told my sisters and my parents.”

“I meant from some magazine.”

“Oh,” Ryouta frowned. “Not really. I'm not that famous, you know? It's not like they run articles about me. I'm just a model.”

“Umm,” Shougo had stopped at that and Ryouta accepted the change of subject to dinner.

And so they ended up sitting in a bench, each holding several hot dogs.

“This is going to ruin my diet.”

Shougo snorted, “why are you on a diet? You look great.”

Ryouta stared at him at that but Shougo just kept eating, raising an eyebrow. “What? You know it's true,” he hadn't swallowed before talking so Ryouta wasn't one hundred percent sure that was what he had said.

“Well, I still need to keep in shape.”

“That sounds boring. Always having to focus on what you're eating,” Shougo said.

Ryouta shrugged. He wasn't wrong. “I don't mind it. It's not like I don't eat sweets or things like that. I don't just eat vegetables, you know? But I still need to watch my weight.”

Shougo looked contemplative at that and then smirked, “well, you're welcome to give me the rest of the hot dogs if you don't want them.”

Ryouta hit him on the shoulder, “if you want more, go buy them.”

“Nah, I'm good. I want some sweets after this.”

Ryouta just shook his head and they kept eating in silence.

“The Winter Cup is going to start in three weeks.”

Haizaki made a “hm” sound. “You in, right?”

“Of course!”

“Have you ever won?”

“No. But we came really close last year! This one is our year, I can feel it.”

Shougo made a little sound in his throat, like he was stopping a laugh but Ryouta didn't comment. “Good luck.”

“Thank you,” Ryouta wanted to ask him to come but decided that might be a bad idea. Besides, he still had plenty of time to ask, if that was what he really wanted.

“Come on, I want more cotton candy,” Shougo said once they were both finished, getting up.

“You're insatiable,” Ryouta replied with a roll of his eyes.

“Just for some things,” Shougo said with a smirk and a wink, walking away afterwards, leaving a Ryouta with his jaw opened behind.

Some seconds after he was running after the other, “wait for me!”

He was going to think about Shougo's words another time. For now he had to do the cliché thing and win a teddy bear for Shougo.

.

The fireworks started around nine pm and they were great. They weren't big but they were colorful and since they were close to it, they could see them perfectly.

Ryouta was pretty sure he had his mouth open, but he just couldn't help it. He'd always loved fireworks. The colours, the drawings... even the sounds. It just felt... he didn't know how to explain it. Like some sort of magic.

It was over way too soon and he turned with a pout towards Shougo. It fell when he saw the other already looking at him, with an indescribable look.

“What is it?” Ryouta asked in a low tone, almost afraid to hear the answer.

“Just... this is pretty... I don't know,” he shrugged, “you gave me a teddy bear and now we're watching fireworks. It's very romantic and charming and what not.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” he shook his head. “It just wasn't what I ever expected a relationship to be.”

Ryouta smiled really big at that, “we're in a relationship?”

“I guess. If you want,” Shougo was blushing and Ryouta wanted to take a photo, or just gush at him. In the end he just hugged the other.

“I want it,” he said in the other's ear and it took some moments for Haizaki to hug him back, but finally he did. Not with much strenght, but at least he was doing it.

When Ryouta pulled himself back, he looked into the other's eyes. “Do you want it too?”

Shougo didn't immediately answer, staring back, like he was looking for something. Ryouta never looked away, barely blinking. Finally Shougo looked away, scrubbing his neck and the blush was back, even if it was hard to see due to it being dark and there not being many lights around. “Yeah.”

Ryouta smiled at that. Then he got up and showed his palm to Shougo.

“Come on, let's get some popcorn.”

“I though you were watching what you ate,” Shougo said, but he still grabbed his hand.

Ryouta barely knew what he answered, focusing too much on Shougo's fingers slipping between his. He squeezed and received a squeeze in return.

He spent the rest of the night smiling.

.

“Hello, Ry-Ry,” his oldest sister, Kumiko, said when she arrived for breakfast on Sunday, husband in tow and unborn child in her belly.

“Hi, Ku-Ku,” he replied, knowing she hated the nickname, but it wasn't like he was that fond of Ry-Ry either (although he had spent some time last night imagining Shougo calling him that).

As expected, she sent him a glare, but it didn't last for long, since quickly their mother was leaving the kitchen to hug her and bombard her with questions about the baby, who Kumiko hadn't yet found out the gender. She and Kentacchi wanted it to be a surprise.

The meal went by as normal. Their father spent most of the time in silence, just following the several conversations and interjecting here and there. He'd never been a talkative person, not like their mother, who always had something to say.

Kai and Takumicchi had arrived later than usual and were now telling them about their shenanigans on the road, always talking over the other and laughing at each other.

They'd been together for over two years, but everytime he saw them they looked just as in love as they had the first time he'd seen them together.

The conversation then flowed to the much known story about the first time their parents had gotten on a car together and then more stories came on, and Ryouta didn't stop smiling. He loved hearing his parents' stories.

“And you, Ry-chan? How is it going with your soulmate?” Kai asked with attentive eyes and suddenly all attention was on him, even his brothers-in-law were looking serious.

He blushed at bit, both at the attention and at his following words. “We're dating.”

Immediately the whole table started talking at the same time. Kentacchi and Takumicchi just said, “congratulations” while his sisters kept repeating, “how could you not tell me!?” and his mother just kept on chattering about how she wanted to meet him. Their father was the only one who just smiled at him and it really was good to be home.

“Is he cute, at least?” Kai asked once they'd gotten a bit less excitable.

Ryouta didn't immediately answer. Cute wasn't exactly the word he'd use to describe Shougo, unless he was blushing, of course, then he was very cute. But usually he wasn't that. He looked a bit rugged up, but that didn't mean he didn't look good.

“He's beautiful,” Ryouta said before he could stop himself, and immediately blushed afterwards. Every female in the room went, “aww” and then Kumiko was squeezing his cheek and everyone was laughing and talking at the same time and he still hadn't stopped blushing, but it didn't matter. It wasn't a lie, after all, and what mattered was the fact that everyone in the house was happy for him.

He was happy for himself.

.

They kept meeting and now they held hands at almost every moment. Usually it was Ryouta reaching for the other, but sometimes it was Shougo doing it, even though he never looked at what he was doing, always looking ahead, but slowly moving his hand towards Ryouta's and it had been a lie: Shougo was very, very cute.

They still hadn't kissed, but Ryouta didn't mind it in the least. He liked kissing, sure, but this whole taking it slow also felt pretty amazing. It was like every touch had much more significance, like they both had to be one hundred percent sure they wanted it before doing it.

He felt like he was in Heaven, and everyone around him had noticed and finally, on their meeting before the beginning of the Winter Cup, he'd told his friends he was dating Shougo.

Midorimacchi had just grumbled about their horoscopes – and apparently their compability was interesting? He wasn't sure what that meant but at least it didn't seem to be a bad thing.

Akashicchi had had a look that promised he'd be having words with Shougo later, but Ryouta wasn't really afraid. Akashicchi was in therapy and while sometimes glimpses of the “other” Akashi could be seen, mostly he looked back to normal. Not that that meant he couldn't be scary at times, but he knew he was just being a good friend.

Murasakibaracchi hadn't really cared. He'd just said, “congrats” and then had handed him out some lollipops.

Kurokocchi had smiled in that mysterious way of his, but Ryouta could see in his eyes he was happy for him and okay, so he hadn't left that meeting without some tears in his eyes.

Aominecchi had been the one the most schocked. His face had undergone several emotions, from the upset, to the confused, to finally just the accepting.

Of course, that hadn't stopped him from grabbing onto Ryouta's neck and giving him a noogie. “Why didn't you tell me sooner, you bastard? Satsuki knew, didn't she? That's why she kept telling me to leave you alone. You bastard, leaving me for last.”

“Don't be like that, Aominecchi!” He cried out but he was also laughing. Aominecchi wasn't using that much strenght and in a way, he did have some reason to be upset. They were basically best friends, after all.

“Well, just make sure he treats you right. Or I'm gonna punch him again,” Aominecchi said when he let go, looking at him seriously, but also with a look that said, “me, talking about feelings? Not in a thousand years” and Ryouta just nodded.

After that they just kept chatting about normal things. Akashicchi's birthday was coming up. He was going to be the last of them to find out who his soulmate was. Well, technically, Kurokocchi was younger, but everyone already knew whose name he was going to wake up on the 31st of January with.

Then they started making their separate ways to his team, with Aominecchi walking slowly in step with him, and Ryouta knew he had something to say.

“He is, right?”

“What?” Ryouta asked confusedely. The last thing they'd talked about had been about how Murasakibaracchi was planning on moving in with Kiyoshi-san when university started.

“Haizaki. He's treating you right, right?” Aominecchi had that serious look in his face again.

“He is. I really like him and I think he likes me too.”

“Hm,” Aominecchi said but Ryouta didn't interrupt his thought process. If he had anything else to say, he'd do it in his own time. “You know, he wasn't always an asshole. Well, he kind of was, but he was nice too, I guess.”

Ryouta had never heard about Shougo's time at Teiko before he entered, so he listened attentively.

“He joined just some weeks after us. He was really cocky and he skipped a lot of practise, but when he went he gave it his all. And if we needed help, he did it without a word,” Aominecchi looked at him, “but he also did some bad shit.”

“I know. But he's been nothing but nice to me.”

Aominecchi made another “hm” sound. “Just be careful,” he finally said, looking away.

“I will. Thank you, Aominecchi.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he replied, still looking away and they spent the rest of the small walk in silence. It felt comfortable and in a way like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It wasn't just the fact that he'd been honest, that his relationship was now in the open, but also that that made it realer.

This was his year, he could feel it.

.

It was the night before the final. Kaijo would be going against Rakuzan, just after the match for third and fourth place between Yosen and Toou.

Ryouta couldn't fall asleep. Besides being just the tiniest bit nervous about the game – if he got nervous enough to not fall asleep before every single game, he'd never sleep – he also couldn't forget that it was going to be the last official match of his highschool career.

Win or lose, there would be no more. He had started to receive offers from universities and he had no desire to leave basketball behind when he entered university, but it still wouldn't be the same. At least Aominecchi and Kagamicchi were going to keep playing, so surely he'd fight against them at least once (if not with), but everyone else was probably going to focus more on studies. Which of course there was nothing wrong with, but that would definitely mean they'd stop being so in touch. They'd make plans and try to keep in touch, at least for the first few years, but then everyone was going to make their own path and maybe in ten years he'll be hearing something like, “hey, have you heard about Midorima-kun and Takao-kun? They got married” and it all felt so frightening.

He grabbed his phone. It was almost midnight and he knew he shouldn't call Shougo. He wouldn't appreciate being woken up, but Ryouta's mind just wouldn't stop running and coming up with more and more ideas.

He went through his contacts to the right one and clicked the green button without another thought.

Ryouta barely breathed while listening to the rings.

It took around four bips before the line was connected, “Ryouta?” Shougo's voice sounded all mumbled. He had probably been asleep. Ryouta felt guilty for a moment and almost disconnected, but it wasn't like that that would make Shougo fall back asleep magically. “What's wrong?” He sounded worried.

“Nothing,” he finally said and it really was nothing. Just him coming up with crazy ideas.

“You didn't call me at,” he made a pause, “twenty past midnight just for nothing. So, what's up?” He was still sounding worried, but that didn't stop a yawn from escaping and Ryouta smiled fondly at the sound. It almost seemed like Shougo was lying right beside him.

Ryouta didn't answer immediately and Shougo was nice enough to keep silent while waiting for his thoughts to make some sense.

“I guess I'm afraid,” he finally said in a small tone, unlike his usual one.

“Of tomorrow's game?” Shougo asked in a bit of a confused tone.

“No. I just... this is my last game in highschool.”

“Yes, and?” Ryouta rolled his eyes at Shougo's tone of incrompehension.

“After that there will be exams and then I'm probably going to move to Tokyo and what if I stop talking to everyone!?” He hadn't meant to speak as loudly as he had, but once he'd started, he simply hadn't been able to keep his fears away.

“Ah,” Shougo started but didn't immediately continue. Ryouta just breathed deeply into the phone. “You know, that sometimes happens. People just drift away.”

“That's not what I want to hear right now, Shougo-kun,” Ryouta replied in a harsher tone than he'd been going for but really, couldn't Shougo see that he just wanted someone to tell him things weren't going to change, even if that would be lying?

Shougo sighed deeply. “I didn't... I'm not good at comforting people, okay?”

Ryouta went to say that... he didn't even know what he opened his mouth for. Instead he took a deep breath. He was feeling restless and Shougo had been woken up without warning. Neither was feeling completely themselves.

“I'm sorry for calling,” he said in a disconnected tone.

“Hey!” Shougo called for his attention and Ryouta heard some rustling, like he was moving in his bed, perhaps sitting up or just turning on his side. “Don't... don't be sorry, okay?” The were new sounds and a sigh and he definitely sounded out of his depth, but also like he was trying, and Ryouta's heart gave a fond tug at that. “You can call me whenever you want.”

“That's really sweet, Shougo-kun,” Ryouta replied.

“Shut up,” Shougo immediately answered and he had to stifle a laugh, because he couldn't say he hadn't been expecting that.

They went quiet after that, but Ryouta was already starting to feel sleep catching up to him.

“I didn't mean it in a bad way,” Shougo suddenly broke the silence and Ryouta made a questioning sound. Maybe he was more tired than he'd thought, but he was lost to the meaning of Shougo's words.

“People drifting away... sure, it sucks but it sometimes happens.”

Ryouta made an agreement sound.

“It's not a bad thing. Just means you're growing up.”

“But I don't want to lose any friends.”

“Well, then fight for it,” Shougo said in a tone that made it seem like the simplest thing in the word. “If both want it, then it'll stay alive. If neither wants it then it dies and if just one wants it... well, that ain't much of a frienship.”

“That was surprisingly enlightful.”

“I swear I'm going to disconnect, Ryouta,” Shougo said but he didn't sound all that mad and Ryouta made a small laugh.

“You're coming tomorrow, right?” He hadn't had the courage to ask before, even though they'd talked on the phone every single day, mostly just Ryouta gushing about his games or the ones he'd witnessed.

“Yeah, already got my train ticket,” Shougo said, once again in a tone that made it seem like Ryouta was the one not making sense.

He almost felt like giggling at that, for some unknown reason.

“I'm going to make all my shots just for you, Shougo-kun.”

Shougo made a noise and when he spoke, it sounded like he had a hand covering his face, “how can you say such embarrassing things?”

“It's not embarrassing! I'm going to make at least fifty points! Just for my wonderful boyfriend,” Ryouta said, mocking the other just a bit because he knew how easily he got flustered, but also because he simply liked saying the word “boyfriend.”

“You...!” Shougo started but didn't finish it.

Ryouta gave a little laugh and then they went back at being silent. His fears weren't silenced, but in a way he understood what Shougo meant. There wasn't much he could to stop the future from happening, all he could do was try to make sure he was happy with it, and in case he wasn't, then change those things.

That was another thing about Shougo he'd found out. He was a surprisingly chill guy. Of course, he was quick to anger, especially if someone bad-mouthed him or his family, but with the bigger issues he usually had a relaxed mindview about. If something was out of his control, then he usually just tried to accept it, make the best of it. Change what could be changed and accept what couldn't and what not.

It was just another facet of Shougo he'd been finding out about.

“Shouldn't you go to sleep?” Shougo's voice entered his brain, disrupting his thoughts.

“I guess,” Ryouta said in a childish tone. He didn't want to disconnect.

“We're not doing this, 'you hang up,' 'no, you hang up,' shit,” Shougo immediately said, probably understanding the meaning of his tone and Ryouta wasn't sure whether he should feel fond about the fact that Shougo was starting to knew him so well, or insulted – that was a classic conversation every couple should have.

“Just go to sleep. You want to score fifty points tomorrow, don't you?”

“And I will!” Ryouta immediately contoured.

“Yeah, yeah, then you need your sleep. See ya tomorrow,” Shougo didn't even give him any time to say goodnight before the call was disconnected.

Ryouta pouted at his phone and even considered calling back just to get the last word, but decided that would probably be too childish. And he had already woken up Haizaki once.

So he put the phone by the bed and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep. He did need his strenght, after all.

.

It was not an easy game. Well, not that Ryouta had been expecting it. The Uncrowned Generals might be gone but Rakuzan was still a power house, and of course, there was Akashicchi, who just like the rest of them, had only gotten better over time.

But in the end they won. He pulled out all the stops, probably making it impossible for him to practise for at least the next week, but it had been worth it. Akashicchi had even come to shake his hand once the game had been over and Ryouta could have swore he looked proud.

It took a while for him to leave the gym. His teammates kept talking excitedely and of course they had to make plans to go and celebrate and before that there was a ceremony to hand out the medals and the trophy – Toou took third place.

Ryouta was pretty sure his face was going to be hurting tomorrow because of all the smiling he was doing, but he just couldn't stop it. He felt on top of the world and there was just one thing that was going to make it better: seeing Shougo.

He texted him once he reached the locker room, letting his teammates' voices enter and leave his ears without paying much attention, knowing they were probably re-telling parts of the game – even though everyone in the room had been there to witness them.

Shougo sent a simple, “congratulations” but Ryouta didn't let that affect him in the least. Shougo hated stickers and emoticons and all that and while he prefered texting to speaking on the phone, he wasn't one to use many words when few could suffice.

Of course, that didn't stop Ryouta from answering with “thx” followed by hearts and smiles and everything he could think of.

Shougo's answer was just, “I'm waiting outside.”

He took a shower and got dressed in a hurry, and of course his teammates, especially the ones in his year and who just laughed whenever someone called him “senpai,” mocked him.

“Don't forget we're going out for dinner to celebrate,” Kitacchi said with a wink once Ryouta had put on his jacket.

Laughs followed that but Ryouta just rolled his eyes.

Honestly it hadn't been his fault that everyone turned up knowing he was in a relationship. Simply, some days before a girl had confessed to him (like so many did) and he'd just let escape, “I'm seeing someone” and of course it hadn't taken more than an hour for that to have reached the whole school – hell, somehow even in Tokyo people had found out about it.

His teammates had joked about how it was time and had asked who it was, but they didn't seem that interested aside from the whole, “captain's in love” initial phase.

Ryouta left them with a wave and a promise to wait for them outside.

“Hello,” he said when he found Shougo sitting in a bench, one foot on top of it, while the other wiggled.

“Hey,” he replied and slowly got up. Ryouta didn't look away for one second. It was amazing how comfortable Shougo seemed in his own body, moving like... he didn't even know, only that it was a show he couldn't keep his eyes from.

Suddenly Ryouta smiled at him really big and then he was running the last few steps and throwing himself at the other, actually taking his feet from the floor. Shougo's arms went around him immediately and he moved around a bit due to the sudden increasement of weight.

“We won!” He exclaimed, still hanging onto Shougo's neck.

Shougo opened his mouth, probably to grumble something – mostly likely about his weight – but Ryouta didn't let him speak, latching onto his mouth.

He had expected it to be hungry, but the moment his lips touched Shougo's they went soft. For a minute there, he'd forgotten this was actually their first kiss.

He had to admit he'd been hoping for a more romantic setting. Perhaps while watching the sundown. But this was still good. He moved one hand from Shougo's neck to his cheek, massiging it.

Shougo's arms tightened around him, but never to a painful extent.

There were no tongues, just lips touching. Mostly because Ryouta still hadn't stopped smiling and that would probably make french kissing a bit difficult. As it was after some seconds he drew back, just to peck Shougo's lips repeatedely.

Shougo met every kiss with his own and they probably looked straight out of some romantic comedy, but Ryouta was past the point of caring.

He had no idea how long had passed when he finally moved away completely, standing on his own two feet by now.

“Hey,” he gave a little smile to Shougo, not taking his hand away from his cheek.

Shougo, in one of the most unexpected turn of events, didn't answer in words, but turned his head so that he could kiss Ryouta's palm, who drew in a deap breath. It was weird, but that felt more intimate than all the kisses they'd just shared.

“Hey,” Shougo finally said and Ryouta moved until their foreheads were touching. In that moment he didn't just feel on top of the world, but like the whole world was just them.

They probably spent minutes like that until finally voices from the gym could be heard; Kaijo being ready to go party, and Ryouta moved so that he was still being embraced, but they were in no position that would get him mocked for all eternity.

“We're going to dinner and then maybe to dance, or karaoke. Do you want to come?”

Shougo looked towards the entrance, where a bunch of teenagers were trying to pretend they weren't seeing them.

“Nah. I should probably get home. I still need to catch the train.”

Ryouta pouted, “but we barely got to hang out.”

Shougo rolled his eyes, “the Winter break's coming. I promise we'll spend more time together then, okay?”

“Yes,” Ryouta said and kissed him quickly on the lips. “I'll call you tomorrow.”

“Sure,” Shougo said, dropping his arms and immediately Ryouta felt a bit colder. Still, he never dropped his smile and walked backwards to his team, never taking his eyes from Shougo, who just looked at him, standing with both hands on his pockets.

Man, he was so head over heels it would be embarrassing if he actually cared.

.

Things continued to pass like that. They texted and called and met once in a while and everything was just great. So of course Ryouta should have expected when things started going downhill.

It was the beginning of February and for the past few days Ryouta hadn't been able to think of anything but what he was giving Shougo on Valentine's Day. He'd never before given something on that day, just sometimes offered some thank you sweets on White Day, but this year he wanted to make it special. Of course Shougo probably wouldn't appreciate flowers. Perhaps chocolates, but that felt so cliché.

The point was that Ryouta was feeling happy. But it didn't take long before his happiness started to fade a little bit. His calls weren't just going unanswered; Shougo was actually declining them and at first he thought maybe he was busy, so he just texted him.

A day passed and he still didn't hear back. Neither texts nor calls were answered and he even went on to facebook, which he knew Shougo barely used. As expected, his message wasn't even seen.

Finally, on the third day of no answer, which luckily fell on a Saturday, he got on a train to Shizuoka. Since he'd never gone to Shougo's home he'd resorted to desperate measures and had texted Akashicchi, asking for Shougo's address. Akashicchi had replied with in less than five minutes and nothing else. Ryouta didn't know if he just had it close by or if he asked someone else, but he honestly didn't care.

Even if Shougo had suddenly gotten sick of him – and just the thought of it made his stomach go up in knots – he at least deserved an explanation.

It was around ten am when he rang the doorbell of a small house. It hadn't been painted in years, the front yard was basically nonexistant and it was only one floor, but it still had a cozy air about it.

He had to ring it two more times before the door was opened and to his surprise he came face to face with a Shougo look alike, but that wasn't actual him. He hadn't known Shougo had a brother.

The man did not look impressed. He was just a few inches taller than him, but he made it seem like many more from the way he was staring at him with his nose held high.

His skin was darker than Shougo's as was his hair, but all in all it was easy to see they were brothers, even though there other differences, such as him having bigger eyes or a more defined chin.

“You must be Ryouta,” he said it like one would say, “there's a cockroach in my house.” It was not a nice tone, to say the least.

“It's a pleasure to meet you,” he bowed just a bit, even though it was the last thing he felt like doing. But still, this was Shougo's brother and it wouldn't do to annoy him.

The man snorted, “I'm sure it is,” but he didn't introduce himself.

Ryouta wasn't sure if he should ask his name or not. He felt like by doing so he'd be losing some sort of test: he'd been dating Shougo for around three months and he hadn't even know he had a brother. Surely that didn't look good.

So they just kept standing there, with Ryouta staring back at Shougo's brother, who definitely seemed to be studying him.

“Come on in,” he finally said and moved back to let Ryouta enter, just when he was expecting to be told to go away.

“Sorry for the intrusion,” he said quietly after entering and taking his shoes off, once again receiving a snort in response.

Honestly, the guy annoyed him but he was going to try his best not to get on his bad side.

He wasn't offered any slippers, but then again it wasn't like the man was wearing any either and really, he needed to learn his name but asking now would be like losing.

The walk to the living room was short and in there he found a woman sitting on a sofa and knitting something. She was not what Ryouta had been expecting Shougo's mother to look like.

From what he could see she wasn't very big, neither in weight or height, and had hair just as grey as her sons. But she also looked... he didn't know exactly, but she was certainly beautiful. She'd aged gracefully; he didn't believe she was over forty years old although with a son in his mid-twenties that seemed unlikely.

When she saw she had visits she immediately got up. As expected, she was several inches smaller, but she still held herself with pride, smiling at him, although a bit... he wasn't sure how to explain it. Like she wasn't exactly sure what was going on? A bit afraid perhaps.

“I'm Kise Ryouta. It's a pleasure to meet you, Haizaki-san,” he bowed again, this time much more respectfully.

“None of that!” She immediately contoured and he was surprised by her warm tone. “Sora is just fine. Would you mind if I called you Ryouta?”

“No, that's fine,” he said, smiling back because he really hadn't been expecting her to be so nice. He guessed he'd just been expecting a female version of Shougo, but his mother was actually extremely nice.

“And what are you doing there, Daichi? Go and get something for this boy to drink,” she said in a bit of a harsher tone to her oldest son, apparently called Daichi, but it didn't sound mean at all. Daichi rolled his eyes, but still did as he was told and left through the door they'd come in from.

“What brings you here, Ryouta-kun?” She asked with an interested glint in her eyes and suddenly he wasn't sure he'd done the right thing. He should have just waited; three days wasn't that long, it just felt like that because he almost never went one day without texting pretty much everyone he knew. Of course, another part of him was calling him a liar and telling him he had every right to be there.

“I'm just here to see Shougo-kun,” he settled on.

She sighed and shook her head, “what has that boy done now?”

“Oh, nothing! Nothing!” She looked surprised at that, “I just...” He had no idea where to go from there but Sora-san gave a little laugh.

“You were just missing him, then? No worries, no need to feel embarrassed. Daichi is just like that with his girlfriend.”

“Don't say stupid stuff,” Daichi-kun said when he entered the room, carrying a tray with three juice glasses. “Hope you like orange juice,” he said to Ryouta, looking at him with an indescrutable look. Was this another test?

“It's fine,” he immediately said and picked one glass, passing it to Sora-san before getting his own and both her and Daichi looked surprised at that. It wasn't even like he'd done it in hopes of impressing them; his parents had simply always taught him to be respectful of others, especially when they were older.

Still, at least Sora-san was looking fond.

“Sit, sit,” she said and did exactly that, putting on a table beside her the... jumper? Scarf? she'd been working on.

He followed her example and even Daichi sat too. They all took several sips in silence and he was feeling awkward.

“I'm sorry to say that Shou-chan still isn't home,” she rolled her eyes, “he's off photographing something again.”

“Right,” he said at the look she sent him, like she was expecting an answer. Truthfully that was the first time he was hearing about Shougo being into photography and he was now not just feeling awkward, but like he should be questioning his whole relationship.

They sipped their drinks again, until Daichi broke the silence, putting his glass on the coffee table, with more strenght than was stricly necessary, since he made a loud smack with it. “So, what are your intentions with my brother?”

“Daichi!” Sora-san looked at him, “please don't feel like you have to answer that.”

“It's okay,” Ryouta said but he still didn't continue. He understood this was Daichi-kun being protective of his brother but rigth now he felt like he was the one that needed protection and not the other way. He'd been the one going after Shougo, after all, and he was the one in his home now because he hadn't even been able to send him a miserable text of, “I'm fine.”

He got up, “I'm sorry, I have to go.”

Sora-san got up too, “please pardon my eldest son's behaviour,” she glared at him, “sometimes I think he was raised in a barn.”

Daichi-kun just rolled his eyes.

“You can stay as long as you want,” she gave him a soft smile and he felt like hugging her, because she was just so nice, but it wasn't right. He didn't belong here. He hadn't even been invited.

“Thank you, but I really need to go.”

“Okay,” she said with a sad look, “I'll tell Shou-chan you passed by.”

“There's no need for that,” he told her and with a last bow almost ran out of the room. He could hear her lecturing Daichi-kun in an annoyed tone, but he didn't stay around for that, quickly putting on his sneakers.

He opened the door and was met with Shougo taking out his key to open the door.

“Ryouta?” He asked surprised but Ryouta just walked past him, bumping into his shoulder, although not on purpose. There simply had been no space for him to pass otherwise. “Hey, where are you going?”

Ryouta started running and he felt stupid at how he wanted to be chased, even though it felt unlikely. He was the one always doing the chasing, after all.

But surprisingly he did hear footsepts behind him and suddenly he was being grabbed by the waist and he felt like struggling against it, but he only did it for like two seconds before he was dropping his arms. He felt... stupid and annoyed and sad and he wanted to go home.

“Let me go,” he said in a small tone.

Shougo moved him until they were standing looking at each other. Well, Shougo might be looking at him, but Ryouta was staring at the floor.

“Hey, look at me,” Shougo said, grabbing his chin and forcing his face up. He looked serious and confused and Ryouta's heart gave a squueze. He was so in love with this boy it hurt.

“What's wrong?”

“You didn't answer my calls. Or even text me back.”

“Yeah, sorry, I was busy,” Shougo said and Ryouta felt angry at that, forcing the other's hands away from him.

“You could have said something.”

“I had to finish my portfolio.”

“What?” Ryouta's anger dissipated, or at least flew to a different place in his mind, because that had not been what he'd been expecting to hear. At all.

Shougo didn't look at him when he answered, running a hand through his hair. “On Monday I'm gonna send my application to an art school in Tokyo.”

Ryouta blinked at that. It was like he'd been sucked to a different universe, because what he was hearing just wasn't making any sense.

“Art... school?”

“Yeah,” he finally looked up, “I want to be a tattoist so I need a degree first.”

“I didn't know that,” Ryouta replied in an amazed tone, only to continue in an angry one, “of course I didn't know. You don't tell me anything.”

“What?” Shougo looked surprised at him, like he hadn't been expecting that but Ryouta just didn't care enough to look too much into his expressions.

“You didn't even tell me you had a brother. And we've been dating for three months and I also didn't know you were planning on going to art school. I've told you pretty much everything there is to know about me, but you can barely tell me a thing about you.”

“Not everyone likes to share everything,” Shougo said and seemed to regret it the minute the words left his mouth. Ryouta glared at him.

“I don't want you to share everything. Just the important things. Do you even care?”

“What?” Shougo asked and for the first time ever he actually looked a bit fearful and that was probably a good sign but Ryouta had reached that point where nothign could make him shut up, at least not willingly.

“Do you even care about us? About me? It's like I'm the one doing everything. I'm the one that always calls and texts and arranges dates and you just... do you even like me?” He asked in a small tone and he could feel tears behind his eyes and the last thing he wanted to do was to cry in front of Shougo, but he was just feeling so horrible in that moment.

He looked away, not wanting to see Shougo's reaction to his words and quickly moved a hand to his face, wiping his eyes. He was stopped by Shougo's hand grabbing his wrist and pushing it just a bit away, so that his face was clear. This time he didn't look away.

“I like you. A lot. I just... I told you I'm not good at this whole relationship thing.”

“I know,” Ryouta replied in a defeated tone. “I don't want you to do anything you don't want to or don't feel ready for. But... there are two of us in this relationship. It can't just be me chasing after you,” he finally spoke something that had been on his mind for a while, but that he'd been too afraid to say out loud, not being sure Shougo's reaction wouldn't be, “I don't want to chase you.”

But instead Shougo just walked closer and held his face in both hands. “I'm sorry for making you feel like you didn't matter. You do. A lot. I'm just not good at expressing those things.”

Ryouta sighed, all the fight leaving him, and put his forehead against Shougo's. “Next time just text me back.”

“Okay,” Shougo said and hugged him and Ryouta held on tight, probably using more strenght than he should have but for the first time in several days he finally felt like he could breathe right and he was scared of this feeling. Of putting so much in Shougo's hands.

“My parents were soulmates and my dad left,” Shougo suddenly broke the silence and Ryouta pulled away, looking questioningly at Shougo, who was looking at him, hurt but mostly angry.

“I didn't know.”

“How would you?” He shrugged, “I wasn't trying to keep it a secret. Just didn't find a right time to say it.”

“Is that why you were afraid of starting a relationship?” Ryouta asked in a soft tone.

Shougo nodded. “My mom... she was a mess when he left. She's better now but I know she still misses him, even though he's a huge asshole.”

Ryouta didn't say anything. He didn't know what to.

“I'm afraid of you leaving,” Shougo said in a quiet tone and Ryouta left a broken breath at that.

“I'm afraid of loving you so much I can't breathe without you,” he replied and Shougo looked at him, surprised. “You're not the only one that's afraid.”

Shougo made a sound at that, probably going for a laugh but failing miserably. “We make one hell of a pair, don't we?”

Ryouta gave him a little smile, “we do.” He waited for some seconds before continuing, “I can't promise not to leave. I don't know the future.”

Shougo nodded at that, “I know. And I can't promise to stop being afraid of commitment.”

“Just don't walk away without a word.”

“You too,” Shougo said in one of the most honest tones he'd ever heard. Then he dropped his arms and took a step back, “now come on, let's go back inside. I'm sure my mom would love for you to eat lunch with us.”

He put his hands up, “oh no, I couldn't impose like that.”

Shougo rolled his eyes, “don't be stupid. She's going to love you.”

Ryouta gave him a little smile and stepped closer. Shougo moved so that they were both standing turned to the same side and then put an arm around his waist.

“You're making me go soft.”

Ryouta gave a little snort and turned to his boyfriend with a giant smile, pecking him on the cheek. “You know you love it... cupcake.”

“No,” Shougo put a finger up and moved it. “No, no, no.”

“Sweet pie?” Ryouta asked, still with a smile.

“What is it with couples using nicknames based on sweets?”

“Oh, sweety. I like that.”

“No way.”

“Darling.”

“No.”

“Shou-Shou?”

Shougo frowned at that, “have you been talking to Daichi?”

Ryouta laughed at that, “are you saying that's your nickname?”

“Nope. Forget what I just said.”

“No, no, Shou-Shou is really cute.”

“Two can play this game, Ry-Ry,” Shougo said with a smirk and Ryouta felt himself blush.

“That's not fair.”

Shougo snorted, “you're not the only one that gets to have fun.”

He pouted, “fine... baby.”

“Oh, you're on, doll face,” Shougo replied and Ryouta's blush deepened.

“Didn't you say something about food?”

Shougo snorted, “yeah, sure, let's go. I hope you like curry.”

“If it's from your mother, I'm sure I'm going to love it.”

“Kiss-ass.”

Ryouta stuck his tongue out.

“Careful or I'll bite it.”

“Is that a promise... babe?”

Now it was Shougo blushing. “You're going to kill me.”

Ryouta shrugged, but stepped closer to him, putting an arm around his waist as well. “There are worse ways to die.”

Shougo looked at him with a far more serious look than he'd been expecting. “Yeah, there are. Now come on, food waits for no man.”

Ryouta had several replies on his tongue for that but instead he just allowed Shougo to start pulling forward, holding onto his waist and nuzzling onto his neck several times during the walk.

He couldn't wait for lunch. And that afternoon. And the rest of his life.


End file.
